Decent Proposal
by Neneithel
Summary: Steele asks Clarissa to marry him.


**_Decent Proposal._**

Clarissa stirred her coffee and frowned. "I don't know about this, Mr Steele."

"If it's the money," he said, "I can pay more."

"The money is more than generous. I was just never asked to do anything like this before."

"I realise it is a bit of an unusual request." said Steele, "But it can't be the strangest request you've had."

"Marrying you so you can stay here with someone you say you love. It has to be in the top three."

"So you won't do it?" he said, wondering where he could find someone else.

"I think I'm just wondering why you don't ask her." said Clarissa.

"Impossible. Out of the question. Unthinkable."

"But you do love her?"

"I don't think I used that word." he said.

"If you're going to marry me because you can't bear to leave her, I'd say the actual word is superfluous, and that's a good word for my role in this, because there's a woman you actually care about who is free and single."

"Picture this, the most romantic of locations, at the end of a beautiful meal. I get down on one knee, flash a diamond at her and ask, 'Will you marry me to get Immigration of my back?' The answer would be brief and possibly accompanied by physical violence."

"Why mention Immigration? Just tell her you love her."

"And I just happened to invite a few government officials to the nuptials?"

"I just think that, 'Hey, darling, I married a hooker.' is probably not the declaration she wants to hear from you."

"Well, when the time comes, I'll explain the situation, she'll understand ... "

"Mr Steele, no woman is going to understand."

"Laura will." He thought for a moment. "Or maybe I won't need to tell her. Once Immigration backs off, a quiet divorce, nobody ever needs to know."

"Great, now I've seen two dead men. Only one of them didn't know it yet. She's a detective!"

"True. So back to Plan A. I explain it, calmly and logically. She's a reasonable woman. She'll see I had no choice."

"If it were me, I think I'd kill you." said Clarissa, smiling.

"You're not in love with me." he said.

"Is she?"

He frowned. "It's possible, isn't it? She's admitted she has feelings for me."

Clarissa put her head in her hands. "Men!"

"Men? Why do women always say that in that tone? It's very disheartening."

"Don't you ever talk to her about things like that?" she asked.

"Well, how can I? She'd be all Laura about it."

"No codes, please. I'm a simple girl."

"She'd never tell me how she felt without knowing how I felt."

"Well, you love her, so tell her that."

"I can't just say, 'I love you, Laura.'"

"You just did, so the words clearly aren't a problem."

"Look, even if I did, and I'm not saying I do, and even if I could just say that in cold blood without knowing first how she feels, and I can't, this Immigration thing makes it impossible. 'I love you, Laura. Oh, and by the way, I need to marry someone right away.' It lacks sincerity and if I can't fake enough sincerity, she'll never go along with it."

"If you'd asked her a year ago, you wouldn't be in this mess." said Clarissa.

"That's painfully clear to me too." said Steele.

"This isn't what I do. This is so far beyond what I do that it scares me."

"I'm aware that I'm asking a lot."

"I want you to know that I don't just marry anyone who offers me a few thousand bucks."

"I know you're not that kind of girl." he said.

"And this is a truly stupid idea. It won't fix any problems. It'll delay some and cause a lot of others."

"You're probably right, but I'm desperate, because if I get deported I kill her agency and lose any hope of any kind of relationship with her."

"Again, marrying a hooker is not considered a normal courtship strategy." said Clarissa.

"Frankly, this has never been a normal courtship." said Steele, "Maybe we'll laugh about this together."

"As she feeds you slowly into the waste disposal?" she said.

"Laura will understand. If there's one thing I'm good at, it's talking my way out of trouble. Maybe this will show her the lengths I am prepared to go to in order to be with her."

Clarissa nodded. "You're crazy, I have no idea where your brain is, but your heart's in the right place and I do owe you. I'll do it. I'll even help you explain it. I just hope this isn't going to backfire on you because, you know what, I think you do love each other."

He stood and leant over the table to kiss her cheek. "You're an angel, Clarissa."

"Hey, what girl wouldn't want to marry Remington Steele? Even if it is just make-believe."

**_The End._**


End file.
